Walt Whitman:Leaves of Grass

This quote kicked my butt today.

“Every day you either live by priorities or you live by pressures. You either decide what is important in your life or else you let other people tell you what is most important in your life.”
- Rick Warren

a bit of this and a bit of that.

Here is a selection of updates, a buffet of thoughts if you will:

1. I recently took up running and was loving it, but unfortunately being a Mahoney means rubber bands for knees and I hurt my left knee. I went to the Dr. today, my usually prompt self was late to my appointment because I was so enthralled by a tight-rope walker on the Today show that I had to stay and watch. I eventually made it to the Dr and she told me I have something called “Runners Knee”, which sounds made up considering it happened while I was running. Yeah sure..”runners knee”…oh and “tennis elbow”, could there also be “bowling shoulder” or “basketball ankle”? She gave me one of those red stretchy things to begin stretches and I have to go to physical therapy, so Kate should be back at it in no time!

2. I am pretty excited because tonight is Pirate Night in Kid’s Church. The idea for Pirate Night came to me when kid’s kept stealing each other’s Fire Bucks (fake money we give as rewards that they spend at our store). We are going to have Pirate Pete tell us how he use to pillage, plunder and steal until he accepted Jesus into his pirate heart and now instead of stealing he gives to others. That is pretty great, right? It’s going to be a great night.

3. I have officially begun Step 4 in Celebrate Recovery which is the Spiritual and Moral Inventory. It is challenging, frustrating, confusing, amazing and wonderful somehow all in one. I am discovering new depths spiritually and new intimacy with Christ. Last night the Holy Spirit showed me Isaiah 1 which is a truly poetic representation of the state I am currently in. The state that sin leaves you in. The state which Christ finds us and rescues us. The state of humility and the end of ourselves. The beginning of restoration and renewal. Clean. New. Life. Hope. Peace. Healing. All for me.

–Why should you be beaten anymore?
Why do you persist in rebellion?
Your whole head is injured,
your whole heart afflicted.

From the sole of your foot to the top of your head
there is no soundness—
only wounds and welts
and open sores,
not cleansed or bandaged
or soothed with oil.

“Come now, let us reason together,”
says the LORD.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.

If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land;

but if you resist and rebel,
you will be devoured by the sword.”
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken–

Sigur Ros Concert-Red Rocks

Here are some pictures from the Sigur Ros show Shelley took me and Dustin to. We then took Angie and Fletcher. It was like a real-life example of Pay It Forward people, minus the annoying kid from the 6th sense, whats his name…oh Haley Joel Osmond. Yeah, minus him. Anyway, here are the pictures.

When looking through binoculars, one must match.

When there is a camera present, one must always be ready for the picture.

When at Red Rocks, one must always take a picture with the stage and city behind.

When taking a picture with a friend, one must always smoosh your head together.

When at a Sigur Ros show, one must be quite serious.

My friend Kate was also at the show, but I didn’t get to take a picture with her. Instead here is a picture from her 25th birthday party from the 6th of this month. I love Kate.

Special unspoken without sound

I am having a hard time writing on my blog as of late. There are so many things that are heavy on my heart and unfortunately are too personal to type into a blog for just any ol person to read and know about me and possibly blackmail me with. When things are on a girls mind it is impossible to switch them off and move on to other things. They just sit and simmer, waiting for some kind of change, some kind of breakthrough and a hope for some control. I think that until some of these boiling pots in my life cool down I won’t be able to just post the same old silly stuff as I usually do. Until that time here is a poem about fall, by me.

Yellow leaves, sleepy bees

Orange and red trees

Blankets, cheese and kisses

Blue above, grey deep down

Animals, walks, and adventures with you

When to say no, when to say yes, let go and find joy

Eye lashes, pink cheeks, and a plum scarf on a windy day

Babies, weddings, prescriptions, promises, needing You

Inspire assurance in what I hope for, and give me room to breathe.

Sailing on a Ship

I have a friend who is going through Celebrate Recovery. We don’t attend together, but there is a certain comradarie for those of us going through the program. Recently I made a “Recovery Mix” of songs that I felt God was using to encourage me and speak to me while I drudge through the 12 steps. I passed the mix on to my friend and in return he made a mix for me that he is listening to while he goes through recovery. Every song on the mix speaks to me, but the first song is the best. It perfectly describes how I feel as I obediently walk through the program and work the steps, it is able to put into words what I can’t and I want to share it with you.

A voice is on the wind
It calls me further in
I’m heading deeper into Your heart
Your mark is on my chest
My sails filled with your breath
You guide me by the light of the stars

I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore

Though skies go blue to grey
And I’m thrown from wave to wave
You still will hear these lungs singing hard
With every storm I face
I find a greater grace
That pulls me deeper into Your heart

I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on

To where the water’s running sweet and bright
The sun is rising in the eastern sky
I leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore

Phil Wickham

Sailing on a Ship

Howdy, Partn’r

Here’s as a lil’ sampling of what I’m listening to on my Shuffle,

for all you Lil’ Music Deputies out there.

Bad Skin Day:Bell X1

The Lovers:Ladytron

November:Azure Ray

Love’s Not a Competition But I’m Winning:Kaiser Chiefs

I Know It’s Over:The Smiths

I’m Not Going To Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You:Black Kids

I’ve Underestimated My Charm (Again):Black Kids

When I Learn to Sing:Starflyer59

They Won’t Sleep:Kyte

Expectations:Belle and Sebastian

Superstar:Sonic Youth

Sea of Love:Cat Power

Blue Veins:The Racontuers

Rest My Chemistry:Interpol

Tabletops:The Films

Things I am really bad at saying:

“I don’t know how to do it.”

“I don’t know where that is.”

“I don’t know the answer.”

“No, I don’t want pancakes.”

“I feel peaceful and content.”

“I am not worried.”

“No, I won’t be able to make it.”

“That is their problem.”

“Yes, I do mind.”

“I don’t have time to do that.”

“I can’t do this on my own.”

“No.”

I remember 9/11

Right after 9/11 happened everyone had bumper stickers on their cars saying “Always Remember 9/11″ or something to that effect. As if we could ever forget 9/11. If you asked me where I was on Feb. 9, 2003 I couldn’t tell you, or even July 22, 2005, I have no idea, but I know just where I was on Sept. 11, 2001.

Before the words “Al Qaeda” or “Osama Bin Laden” were in my vocabulary, I remember being at my best friend’s house that morning, in the bathroom blow drying our hair, half asleep from staying up all night talking, when we heard Katie’s mom say “Oh my God.” We came out of the bathroom and looked over the balcony railing right in time to watch the 2nd plane fly into the 2nd building-live-in real time. We stopped getting ready and went downstairs to figure out what the heck was going on. I don’t think I even finished blow drying my hair-which is a big deal when you are a senior in high school.

Katie and I got into our cars and went to school. I turned my radio on to hear the freaked out DJ saying that there was another plane that had just hit the Pentagon. I literally looked through my windshield up to the blue sky wondering if a plane was about to hit me in my little hyduai accent. We got to school and went into the building. Since very few teenagers watch The Today show before coming to school no one really even knew anything had happened. I remember telling some kid in the hall, who I never had talked to before or after, that planes were crashing into buildings in NYC. He said “Why?” and I said “I don’t know! Isn’t that crazy?!” It all seemed so exciting and interesting, but I had no idea how horrible it really was. We all saw what happened the rest of the day- buildings collapsing to the ground, people with dusty, white faces and clothes wandering through the street. There were some teachers who tried to do class as usual which I thought then, and now, was a big mistake. If they could do it over again I think it would be different.

I was so deeply effected by everything that happened, I don’t think I even ate all day. I watched way too many hours of TV and read every newspaper article. The worst was a picture I saw of some man in a suit and white shirt, tie flaping in the wind as he jumped from a window. Seeing that made it about individuals not just a mass of strangers. Individuals who have friends, families, are little league coaches and eat Burger King. People who woke up that morning probably in a rush, stressed out with the weight of their shoulders. How differently would each one had lived if they knew Sept. 11, 2001 would be their last?

Do you remember where you were on 9/11? Post it in the comments, I would love to hear your story.