Jesus is not Ghandi

Last Thursday Dustin and I saw David Bazan perform a “house show” at our friend Josh’s place. There was about 50 of us nicely packed into the living room where Bazan strummed his guitar and played a great acoustic set that even included some classic Pedro the Lion songs.

Bazan always has a question and answer time at his shows. Dustin saw him a few years back and was really struck by some of the answers he gave. So I was really interested when someone asked him if he believed in an afterlife. I’m not going to write out the whole reply because I don’t remember it accurately enough to do it justice and also I’m a blogger not a reporter. But there was one part that stuck out to me- Bazan said that he is no longer afraid of death and hell. He said he has come to realize that hell is something that some mean people made up as a threat. (He didn’t talk about heaven so I don’t know if he feels that it is something nice people made up or not.) After stating some disgust at the state of the Evangelical church he went on to say that he would just like to see people follow what Jesus taught. There were supportive “yeahs” and light clapping around the room.

I’m not trying to single out Bazan, but he is a good example of a common theology among our culture. It has become popular to see Jesus as a sort of Ghandi figure, quoting the couple of verses that fit their personal idea of who Jesus is- love your neighbor as yourself, take care of the widows and the poor, turn the other cheek, ect.

I find that they often leave out the parts where Jesus talks about the divisive things: the kingdom of Heaven advancing by force, worshipping God and serving only Him, how Jesus will turn people away from heaven, how real hell is and how many will end up there, and don’t even get me started on the parts where Jesus starts predicting the future and talks about a final judgement. These are not the things that you hear when people reference how great Jesus was-WAS-and how we should all follow his example.

People think of Jesus as some really great guy who taught us how to live in love and peace with humanity. The ultimate hippie. That is partly true, in a very pathetic, watered down way. Jesus didn’t see himself that way. He said: “Don’t imagine that I came to bring peace on the earth! No, I came to bring a sword.” Surprised? Read Matt 10:34-39.

Is this the Jesus that you know? If it’s not then it’s time to open a Bible and read who it is you claim to know and follow.

Love it or Hate it?

There are certain movies you either love or hate. People get pretty passionate and fired up about these movies, and I am one of those people.

Here are 3 movies I have chosen that seem to really divide people in taste:

1. M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village

I love this movie. M. Night Shyamalan started off so strong with The Sixth Sense. It is by far his greatest movie. Then there was Unbreakable which I thought was great. The Village is his third movie and may not be as strong as his first two. Which seems to be a pattern because they just keep going downhill- anyone see The Happening? Yuck. I chose The Village as the movie I love because I know so many people who hate it. The story has so much thought and depth, and the cast of  Bryce Dallas Howard, Joaquin Phoenix, and Adrien Brody is incredible. I felt like the love story is sincere enough where you understand her need to go through danger and find help. The very thing that people find stupid about the movie- the fake monsters- is the thing that I learned the most from. It is an accurate analogy of how we are kept in fear by lies that end up running our lives. Maybe I am getting too deep with it, but that is what I got out of it.

2. Sophia Coppola’s Lost In Translation

I love this movie. Sophia Coppola may have ruined the Godfather III, but she has gone on to make some of the most amazing movies. Lost in Translation is the follow up to her first film The Virgin Suicides, which I also love. This movie was able to capture that feeling of being isolated and lonely  exploring a foreign country and the cultural shock that comes with it. The first scene of traveling through Tokyo at night is so captivating. You really feel like you have been in Japan for 2 hours.  One of my favorite scenes is where Scarlett Johannson’s character, Charlotte, goes on a day-trip to a visit a Buddhist temple outside Tokyo.  She experiences so much but feels so alone in it. I had a similar experience when I was in Amsterdam and this may be why I relate to the feel of movie so much.

Besides it capturing all the emotions of traveling, it also has Bill Murray. Enough said.

3. The Notebook

I hated The Notebook. Some people (girls) are going to be so sad that I am saying this, but it’s my blog and I can say what I want. I am not much of a chick flick person, unless it involves Romy and/or Michelle. I think the movie itself was really beautiful, the little town in North Carolina set in WW2, but the story of a rich girl falling for the poor, country boy is not a new idea. I can’t stand movies where they are pulling every heart string to get you to cry. The first 20 minutes of the movie was so bad that I honestly don’t remember the rest except the part where they both die at the same time. A sweet idea, but waaayyy too sappy for me. You might think I must have a heart of stone, but I just don’t like being manipulated into feeling sad to the point of tears over something so sappy, and this movie is shameless in doing just that. Sure I liked the scenes of a nice summer romance- ice cream, canoe on a lake, cabin in the woods. I am still a girl after all. I just don’t like how far they push the sentimental.

Those 3 movies are the only ones I could think of for today.I usually don’t do the whole leading question that begs for comments, but  this time feel free to agree/disagree, add some of your own that you love or hate. I am curious to see what people think.

Attention All Church Shoppers

I had a fabulous facebook chat with my friend Josh today. We were talking about the current trends we see in some friends relating to church. There are a few things that we noticed, and maybe I will write about those another time. For now I thought I’d blog about the biggest thing: church shopping. We as a 20-30 Somethings are the absolute worst when it comes to church shopping. Or, probably more appropriate, just church bashing (sometimes not even actually attending anywhere). Somewhere along the way church became a buffet to us. It became unlimited options for us to pick through and chose exactly what we want. What WE want. It seems like the part about where GOD wants us has become unimportant. (note: I am not talking about people who happen to be in-between churches, I am talking about people who have a pattern of criticizing and leaving churches.)

I was in church one Sunday morning about 3 years ago really unhappy with my church and wishing that we could attend a different one. A cooler one. God spoke to me something at that moment that seemed so base at the time but has subsequently changed my life. I sat in the balcony looking down over the congregation, irritated, frustrated and disappointed, when God said to me that He had called me to this church. He said church is like a family and in a family you can’t chose which one you will be born in to, or what your family members would be like. You may have a weird uncle or a nosy aunt. But it doesn’t matter because they are your family and you chose to love them. I was so convicted by God saying this to me, and I repented for my judgment against my church- my family. After that Sunday the flood gates opened for me and Dustin. We met amazing friends, were promoted in the church and found a true intimacy and unity at ORCC. I can say with all my heart that I love this church, and in return the church loves me. Does that mean that I don’t struggle with things here or don’t have certain desires that I would like met? No, of course not. But when in life is that not the case? This is true in my marriage as well, or in my friendships, but I don’t stop being loyal to them. If you chose to be loyal and love your church you will find the same in return. If you are cold and judgmental you will receive the same in return.

Here are 2 of the best quotes I have ever read about church shopping:

“We have reduced the church to one hour-and-a-half event per week; we have reduced the Gospel to cater to felt needs and personal preferences; and we have reduced discipleship to optional private spiritual exercises …We are raised with so many options we are paralyzed by the possibility of something better … God/church simply gets added to the list of things we consume … the problem is that much of the ‘attractional’ church has fostered this understanding by catering to it …” -Mike Erre, speaking pastor of Rock Harbor Church in Costa Mesa, Calif

“But we as individual “church shoppers” must realize there are problems with every single church. Let me repeat that: There are problems with every single church. There are lame people in every one. There is gossip in every one. There are weird, awkward people in every one. Pastors are going to screw up, the music might suck and the greeter at the door might turn her nose up at you when you enter. When these things happen, remember that none of those things matter. Do not be distracted by these things. People are always going to be flawed. That’s why they need Christ. And you know what? You are there to bring more of Him to that place. You are there to give of yourself, to humble yourself, to form relationships with people you might not normally associate with for the sake of something greater than you. Offer to apply for leadership.  Offer to help with a mission trip. Go feed homeless people. If you go with the intent to give of yourself in any and every way possible, I promise the sucky worship leader or the yawner sermons will not matter.

If we walk actively and raise our voices, we will connect. If we sit passively, expecting to be catered to, we will be left in the cold.”

source: Pastor Andrew Schwab

I am a weirdo and my cat is a sicko.

I am a bundle of contradictions. I want harmony but I find myself picking unnecessary fights. Why do I care if someone doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day or hates cats? I want to encourage people but I become judgmental and short. I want to have friends, see people, be social, but I make up excuses to not go out and stay home to hide. I call people back hoping I get their voicemail. I make plans and promises only to break them a couple days later.  I admire people who are patient and soft spoken, like Marie from my C.R. group. She is long-suffering and I can’t imagine anyone really annoying her. I, on the other hand, am brash and easily tripped up. There are days where every living thing annoys me. Why do I care if a person has terrible taste in music or that some people pronounce libRary libarry?

Today in our staff meeting, we were talking about a family who is going through a really hard time. My heart was feeling only mercy for them, really wanting things to change for them, but somehow those feelings traveled to my mouth and came out as judgmental and almost mean. I don’t understand it. It’s like two people live inside me, one is sweet and tenderhearted, the other is rude and impatient. Watch out, because lately it’s a gamble at which one you’ll get.

In other news- my cat drinks out of the toilet. Look at this sicko.

a little story about coyotes

Dustin and I were driving home the other day. When traffic is really bad on I-25 we take a back way that goes through a field and pass a golf course. We were driving with fields on both sides of us and saw a coyote on the side of the road, in the middle of the day, barking and howling with his nose straight up like some Santa Fe sculpture. We were surprised to see him sitting so close to the street with lots of cars passing and even some people walking by. We slowed down a little and rolled down the window to hear him howling. We turned the corner and saw across the field another coyote walking quickly toward the howling coyote. We noticed that the coyote coming from across the filed was limping badly and couldn’t wait to get to the howling friend. We watched them reunite, licking each others faces, and they headed off together down into a ravine.

There really isn’t a point to this story. I guess I could try and spiritualize it somehow, but it would make it even more cheesy. Actually, now that I think about it, this blog post kind of sucks. I guess you had to be there.

5 o’clock shadow

Each morning I wake up, sometimes shower, get dressed, and do my hair and make up. I look in our full length mirror and say to myself, “not great, but looks pretty good.” But, it does not fail, around 3 o’clock I catch a glimpse of myself in our office mirror and think, what the heck happened to me? Why am I wearing this stupid outfit and why does my hair look like this? How could I have possibly thought I looked good when I left my house this way? Is it that the lighting in our bathroom is so fantastic that it’s like wearing beer-goggles when I look in the mirror? Or is it that I am so tired in the morning that I don’t put much thought into what looks good or not? Whatever the reason I am sitting here in retarded jeans, a wrinkly shirt and stringy hair,  having one of those days.

Incorporate the bullet point.

I know it is time to post something new on my blog. It has been a week and I still have the same Remembering Advent post. I have things tumbling around in my mind and a few of them would be good to write about. Sort-of air my thoughts out a little. The best way to do that is incorporating the use of the bullet point.

• I have a terrible habit of using too many commas and having run-on sentences. I want to write like I talk and in my mind every time I place a period instead of a comma it interrupts the “speech” I am making. I have had a few people comment on my run-on problem and I just want to make a sincere apology to those people now since it’s probably not going to change anytime soon.

• Dustin and I are looking into moving to Aurora from Lone Tree. Every time I watch the news it seems to have a story or two about some drive-by shooting, murder or gang related violence that just so happens to have taken place in Aurora. If Lone Tree is ever on the news it is to announce a new shopping center or future Ikea. Do you see the difference? Barnes and Noble at Park Meadows or Dollar Tree off Quincy? I don’t know if we are ready to tell people we are from Aurora. Even the people who are downtown-snobs and claim they like to live among the “needy” would think twice…
• Aurora vs Lone Tree in pictures:
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• I received Lost Season 4 from my dear mother in law for Christmas. Dustin and I got home on Friday night and finished the entire season by Sunday. It turns out I remember almost nothing from the last season so it was like watching it all new again. Because the writers strike made Season 4 shorter than the other seasons they loaded it up with some amazing special features. Why do they call John Locke Jeremy Bentham? If the island has disappeared how will the Oceanic 6 find it? Will Kate and Sawyer end up together? Is Daniel Faraday stuck on a raft with no ship or island to go to? Why didn’t Penny’s boat pick him up too? So many questions….good thing the 5^th season starts on Jan. 21^st. Editors note: if you haven’t ever watched Lost and you think you might like to start, at this point you might as well forget it. I can’t imagine trying to watch from Season 1. Good luck to you and sorry about the spoilers I just gave away.
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• Yes, I am feeling feisty today.

What I’d Say to the Martians by Jack Handey

People of Mars, you say we are brutes and savages. But let me tell you one thing: if I could get loose from this cage you have me in, I would tear you guys a new Martian a-hole. You say we are violent and barbaric, but has any one of you come up to my cage and extended his hand? Because, if he did, I would jerk it off and eat it right in front of him. “Mmm, that’s good Martian,” I would say.

You say your civilization is more advanced than ours. But who is really the more “civilized” one? You, standing there watching this cage? Or me, with my pants down, trying to urinate on you? You criticize our Earth religions, saying they have no relevance to the way we actually live. But think about this: if I could get my hands on that god of yours, I would grab his skinny neck and choke him until his big green head exploded.

We are a warlike species, you claim, and you show me films of Earth battles to prove it. But I have seen all the films about twenty times. Get some new films, or, so help me, if I ever get out of here I will empty my laser pistol into everyone I see, even pets.

Speaking of films, I could show you some films, films that portray a different, gentler side of Earth. And while you’re watching the films I’d sort of slip away, because guess what: the projector is actually a thing that shoots out spinning blades! And you fell for it! Well, maybe not now you wouldn’t.

You point to your long tradition of living peacefully with Earth. But you know what I point to? Your stupid heads.

You say there is much your civilization could teach ours. But perhaps there is something that I could teach you—namely, how to scream like a parrot when I put your big Martian head in a vise.

You claim there are other intelligent beings in the galaxy besides earthlings and Martians. Good, then we can attack them together. And after we’re through attacking them we’ll attack you.

I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves. But you have treated me like an intruder. Maybe it is not me who is the intruder but you.

No, not me. You, stupid.

You keep my body imprisoned in this cage. But I am able to transport my mind to a place far away, a happier place, where I use Martian heads for batting practice.

I admit that sometimes I think we are not so different after all. When you see one of your old ones trip and fall down, do you not point and laugh, just as we on Earth do? And I think we can agree that nothing is more admired by the people of Earth and Mars alike than a fine, high-quality cigarette. For fun, we humans like to ski down mountains covered with snow; you like to “milk” bacteria off of scum hills and pack them into your gill slits. Are we so different? Of course we are, and you will be even more different if I ever finish my homemade flamethrower.

You may kill me, either on purpose or by not making sure that all the surfaces in my cage are safe to lick. But you can’t kill an idea. And that idea is: me chasing you with a big wooden mallet.

You say you will release me only if I sign a statement saying that I will not attack you. And I have agreed, the only condition being that I can sign with a long sharp pen. And still you keep me locked up.

True, you have allowed me reading material—not the “human reproduction” magazines I requested but the works of your greatest philosopher, Zandor or Zanax or whatever his name is. I would like to discuss his ideas with him—just me, him, and one of his big, heavy books.

If you will not free me, at least deliver a message to Earth. Send my love to my wife, and also to my girlfriend. And to my children, if I have any anyplace. Ask my wife to please send me a bazooka, which is a flower we have on Earth. If my so-called friend Don asks you where the money I owe him is, please anally probe him. Do that anyway.

If you keep me imprisoned long enough, eventually I will die. Because one thing you Martians do not understand is that we humans cannot live without our freedom. So, if you see me lying lifeless in my cage, come on in, because I’m dead. Really.

Maybe one day we will not be the enemies you make us out to be. Perhaps one day a little Earth child will sit down to play with a little Martian child, or larva, or whatever they are. But, after a while, guess what happens: the little Martian tries to eat the Earth child. But guess what the Earth child has? A gun. You weren’t expecting that, were you? And now the Martian child is running away, as fast as he can. Run, little Martian baby, run!

I would like to thank everyone for coming to my cage tonight to hear my speech. Donations will be gratefully accepted. (No Mars money, please.) ♦

Party Like a Groeneman

HELP ME!!!

Due to many reasons I have decided to close my myspace account and only use Facebook for all my social networking needs. You might think, oh NBD, just close the account and ba da bing it’s gone. Nope. It has not been that easy. Of course not, why should it be?

So here is my dilemma: they send a confirmation email to the email address that you used to open the account. The email I used to start my myspace is like 8 years old and apparently I have forgotten the password and there is no way to access it. Since I can’t get into the email to get the code I sent a message to Myspace (which they make sure you know is not going to Tom) and told them I need to cancel my myspace page but do not have access to the email. This is what they told me-

If for some reason you can’t access your old email account, you’ll have to email help@support.myspace.com Send them a salute along with the new email address you want to use. If the email is being used by another MySpace profile we can’t use it, so make sure it’s not associated with any other profiles.

To create and send a salute here’s what you’ll need to do:

•Create a handwritten sign with the word MySpace.com and Include your MySpace Friend/Profile ID number. (Your friend ID is the number after “&friendID=” in your profile’s web address/URL. If you can’t login, you can get this info by clicking on your profile)

•Get a picture taken of you holding the handwritten sign. Be sure the photo is clear and the handwriting is easy to read. If we can’t read the information and see your face clearly, then we will ask for another salute. (If you do not have access to a digital camera, please consider the accessibility of disposable cameras and digital film processing available at most drug stores)

•After you take the pic, send us an email to help@support.myspace.com with the salute attached. You can also provide us with the web address/URL where the image has been uploaded.

•Include what you want your new email log in address and password to be. Again, if the email is being used by another MySpace profile we can’t use it, so make sure it’s not associated with any other profiles. Once we receive this information, we will update your account for you.

Here is my “salute” that I emailed to myspace:

Then they emailed me telling me to put the words “Remove Profile” in my About Me section, which I did. Oh and guess what! You can see that for yourself because…

MY STUPID MYSPACE PAGE IS STILL THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(and yes, my URL is “ripleyismycat”. Why? you ask. Well because Ripley IS my cat. geez duh!)