forsaking righteousness for relationship

Today I was going through the check out stand at Wal Mart. The nice lady who was ringing me up had a black, messy cross on her forehead. I saw a mom and dad with their kids walk by with the same crosses on their foreheads. Never being Catholic, I have never seen or participated in the Ash Wednesday ceremonies, or even Lent, for that matter. Now, there is a part of me that is thankful that I am not under “religion” but instead am in relationship, but there is a part of me that felt a desire to be a part of this obviously special day. What would it be like to walk around with a cross of ash on my forehead? How would it change my thoughts and behaviors through the day? How would it change how others saw me? Would the outer representation translate into a heart change?

This reminds of me a conversation I had recently with my friends Kate and Chris. We were talking about how we have forgotten righteousness and justified it through relationship. We think since we have freedom in our relationship with Christ that there is now no need for religion pushing righteousness on us. I am guilty of seeing righteousness the same as religion, finding it dogmatic and bringing only condemnation.  So instead we use relationship to justify sin and habitual downfalls, knowing that no sin can separate us from Christ, that His love will always be there for us. I don’t want that in my life. I want the relationship to lead to righteousness. I want to spend time with my Savior, with my friend, and walk away with a cross of ash on the forehead of my heart in remembrance to carry righteousness with me everywhere I go.

I pray my heart is always in search for Christ, and always transformed in righteousness.

5 o’clock shadow

Each morning I wake up, sometimes shower, get dressed, and do my hair and make up. I look in our full length mirror and say to myself, “not great, but looks pretty good.” But, it does not fail, around 3 o’clock I catch a glimpse of myself in our office mirror and think, what the heck happened to me? Why am I wearing this stupid outfit and why does my hair look like this? How could I have possibly thought I looked good when I left my house this way? Is it that the lighting in our bathroom is so fantastic that it’s like wearing beer-goggles when I look in the mirror? Or is it that I am so tired in the morning that I don’t put much thought into what looks good or not? Whatever the reason I am sitting here in retarded jeans, a wrinkly shirt and stringy hair,  having one of those days.

Incorporate the bullet point.

I know it is time to post something new on my blog. It has been a week and I still have the same Remembering Advent post. I have things tumbling around in my mind and a few of them would be good to write about. Sort-of air my thoughts out a little. The best way to do that is incorporating the use of the bullet point.

• I have a terrible habit of using too many commas and having run-on sentences. I want to write like I talk and in my mind every time I place a period instead of a comma it interrupts the “speech” I am making. I have had a few people comment on my run-on problem and I just want to make a sincere apology to those people now since it’s probably not going to change anytime soon.

• Dustin and I are looking into moving to Aurora from Lone Tree. Every time I watch the news it seems to have a story or two about some drive-by shooting, murder or gang related violence that just so happens to have taken place in Aurora. If Lone Tree is ever on the news it is to announce a new shopping center or future Ikea. Do you see the difference? Barnes and Noble at Park Meadows or Dollar Tree off Quincy? I don’t know if we are ready to tell people we are from Aurora. Even the people who are downtown-snobs and claim they like to live among the “needy” would think twice…
• Aurora vs Lone Tree in pictures:
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• I received Lost Season 4 from my dear mother in law for Christmas. Dustin and I got home on Friday night and finished the entire season by Sunday. It turns out I remember almost nothing from the last season so it was like watching it all new again. Because the writers strike made Season 4 shorter than the other seasons they loaded it up with some amazing special features. Why do they call John Locke Jeremy Bentham? If the island has disappeared how will the Oceanic 6 find it? Will Kate and Sawyer end up together? Is Daniel Faraday stuck on a raft with no ship or island to go to? Why didn’t Penny’s boat pick him up too? So many questions….good thing the 5^th season starts on Jan. 21^st. Editors note: if you haven’t ever watched Lost and you think you might like to start, at this point you might as well forget it. I can’t imagine trying to watch from Season 1. Good luck to you and sorry about the spoilers I just gave away.
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• Yes, I am feeling feisty today.

Marriage advice from…Will Smith?

I was watching Barbara Walters 10 Most Fascinating People the other night (lame, I know.) The first interview was with Will Smith, a guy that I hate to love. Anyway in the midst of his ego-stroking (his success and money, how it is guaranteed he could be President if he ever chose to run) he actually said something strikingly wise on marriage and this is what it was:

“Being married is the most difficult thing you’re ever going to do in your life.  And anybody whose married and divorce is an option, you’re getting divorced.”

Unraveling Spools: how Kate and Jesus pick up bags of garbage.

I recently discovered (I say that phrase a lot on my blog) that I attribute characteristics that are only human to God. Ideas like “God must get so sick of me asking for this” “God is so annoyed that I keep repenting then doing the same thing over and over.” “I haven’t prayed about this need for a while, maybe I need to remind Him about it.” “I can’t go to God with this, He will be so disappointed.”

Now keep in mind that these are subconscious thoughts and, of course, seeing them written out here they so obviously go against what the Word says about who God is, but they are subtle and quiet thoughts in my mind they sneak by the scripture patrol and dive deep into my heart altering the way I see God and ultimately changing our relationship.

Ideas of God being annoyed, impatient, tired of me and my sin were formed early in my life from authority figures: a teacher who obviously hated kids and shouldn’t be teaching, yelling at me in front of the class-that was an authority losing patience, that was an authority wishing I would change and just be “good”, and in turn the Ultimate Authority (God) must feel the same about me. I had an abusive boss that would take my mistakes as if they were personal attacks, saying I was “from the enemy” and a “stumbling block”. Again adding to how God as my authority must feel when I screw up time and time again. When I stumble I picture that man’s face and anger and unfairly attribute it to God.

Here I am-unraveling long spools of wrong beliefs about God and His character. He wants to show me his love, compassion, grace and patience, His long suffering in a way that no human could ever display or understand.

I have a submissive heart, a very confused submissive heart, which, at times, bows before abusive authority and rebels against loving authority.

I desire to forgive those who were in my life as authority, who, because of being human, simply misunderstood me.

I can see forgiveness on the horizon, but God is first walking me through an inventory of my past hurts, my past sins and secret wrong-doings. I am in the dusty old stockroom of my heart flipping through yearbooks from my childhood and realizing how much it has shaped my view of God like water cutting through a canyon.

I read an article yesterday that describes the inventory I am going through best. It is a grim, gross story that shows me how hidden and shameful sin can become. My heart was a mess, all it took was a small leak to discover the truly scary state I was in. Me and Jesus are throwing out the bags and bags of garbage and filth, I am not alone in it, Jesus (as my Authority) is not frustrated or disappointed as we do it, He is on my side, walking me through the filth so I will find purity and freedom in Him.

Read Article here: Hundreds of bags of trash taken out of condo.

Yeah, you could say I am pretty excited.

Here are a couple things I am excited about:

1) Charlie Kaufman the writer of three of my favorite movies-Adaptation, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malchovich, has written and directed a new film called Synecdoche, New York starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman. The trailer is like a dream, the colors, the music, the feel, the amazing sets.

See the trailer here.

It says it was released in October, but it must be very limited release because I can’t find it playing anywhere in Denver. If you know where it is playing please let me know. Maybe we can go together…and I will buy you popcorn as a thank you.

2) The Flaming Lips have created a full length feature film called Christmas on Mars: A Fantastical Film Freakout Featuring the Flaming Lips. I was listening to a radio interview this morning with Wayne Coyne (lead singer of The Flaming Lips) where he was talking about the 7 years it took to make this crazy movie. Apparently he doesn’t care much about continuity in film and didn’t mind that one of the actors was a heroin addict when they began filming, then quit and gained 30 lbs which changed the look of the character he was playing quite a bit. I guess in one scene the guy walks out the door as skinner as a skeleton then walks back in 30 lbs heavier. Not to mention that Wayne Coyne has obviously aged quite a bit in 7 years and looks noticeably different.  Anyway, this movie is about a few things, Mars, a baby, a guy in a Santa suit, Wayne Coyne as a martian, and spaceships-all filmed in Coyne’s back yard.

You can watch the trailer HERE. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Dustin and I are going to try and see the Midnight showing on Friday, November 14th @ The Esquire.

If you want to join us email me-kateg@mhmin.org

In case you were wondering…

If you were wondering, like I was, how much we would each receive if the government took the $700 billion they gave to the banks for the “bail-out” plan, and divided it up among all of America (300 million people). Here is the answer: we would each receive $2,333.

This number might seem big to some since we are talking about every single person in the country receiving $2300, but it was actually small to me. I was thinking it was going to be in at least the ten’s of thousands. I guess in that case it is better to give it to the banks to get things back in order (hopefully) and not to me to spend $2333 on shoes and cat toys.

You would disagree, wouldn’t you Ripley?

Heart to heart with Adele Arakawa

There is no other news but 9 news when it comes to news in Colorado. I watch for the beautiful anchors, the awkward flirting between Kathy Sabine and Bob Kendrick, that zany Kirk Montgomery and the beautiful, somewhat too perfect, Bazi Kanani…oh and the really good news reporting too. I could write a whole blog post about the soap opera world of 9 news, but that is not what this post is about. This post is about bringing some much needed awareness to a problem I like to call “The Arakawa Mullet”. Since 1993 I have watched Adele bring me the news with grace and dignity, but time has passed, things have progressed, but somehow her hair has stayed the same.

Dear Adele,

I love your sophisticated way of delivering the evening news. I respect your opinion and laugh at your witty remarks during the “fluff” pieces. I know you are smarter than that silly Bob Kendrick or that brontosaurus-guy from the political segments. You have been around a long time and I am certain that KUSA must pay you some serious cash, so please, would you please, get a new hairstyle? I had a friend visit from out of state, he doesn’t know how great you are and all he would do was make fun of your hockey-hair and mock the way your bangs protrude 7 inches off your forehead, so your first impression is seriously suffering. Please, listen to the cries all around Denver asking for you to cut that mullet. Cut it short, start again. Try something new. Maybe even some hair extensions or a cute bob. Anything, Adele. Listen, we can meet at your favorite place Mark told me about, that Mexican restaurant El Parral. I will bring hair magazines and we will find you a perfect new look. You should invite Kirk, he seems like he could have some good input on hair…and shoes.

Love,

That Girl Kate

P.S. Tell Drew I said Hi.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

a bit of this and a bit of that.

Here is a selection of updates, a buffet of thoughts if you will:

1. I recently took up running and was loving it, but unfortunately being a Mahoney means rubber bands for knees and I hurt my left knee. I went to the Dr. today, my usually prompt self was late to my appointment because I was so enthralled by a tight-rope walker on the Today show that I had to stay and watch. I eventually made it to the Dr and she told me I have something called “Runners Knee”, which sounds made up considering it happened while I was running. Yeah sure..”runners knee”…oh and “tennis elbow”, could there also be “bowling shoulder” or “basketball ankle”? She gave me one of those red stretchy things to begin stretches and I have to go to physical therapy, so Kate should be back at it in no time!

2. I am pretty excited because tonight is Pirate Night in Kid’s Church. The idea for Pirate Night came to me when kid’s kept stealing each other’s Fire Bucks (fake money we give as rewards that they spend at our store). We are going to have Pirate Pete tell us how he use to pillage, plunder and steal until he accepted Jesus into his pirate heart and now instead of stealing he gives to others. That is pretty great, right? It’s going to be a great night.

3. I have officially begun Step 4 in Celebrate Recovery which is the Spiritual and Moral Inventory. It is challenging, frustrating, confusing, amazing and wonderful somehow all in one. I am discovering new depths spiritually and new intimacy with Christ. Last night the Holy Spirit showed me Isaiah 1 which is a truly poetic representation of the state I am currently in. The state that sin leaves you in. The state which Christ finds us and rescues us. The state of humility and the end of ourselves. The beginning of restoration and renewal. Clean. New. Life. Hope. Peace. Healing. All for me.

–Why should you be beaten anymore?
Why do you persist in rebellion?
Your whole head is injured,
your whole heart afflicted.

From the sole of your foot to the top of your head
there is no soundness—
only wounds and welts
and open sores,
not cleansed or bandaged
or soothed with oil.

“Come now, let us reason together,”
says the LORD.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.

If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land;

but if you resist and rebel,
you will be devoured by the sword.”
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken–

watch out-Kate’s gettin politcal

I have been pretty stubborn when it comes to talking about the upcoming election/politics in any sort of group setting. I certainly enjoying joking about these things, but actual serious conversations or debates I avoid. I will talk to Dustin, but outside of him I pretty much refuse to take part.

First of all what is one more opinion? Honestly, no one really wants to hear my opinion on Obama, Palin, the economy or WMD’s. Everyone is just waiting for their turn to speak anyway. People waste too much time imposing their views on others.

Secondly, I don’t feel educated enough to contribute in a way that would be satisfying to me or to anyone else. The worst thing to me is talking about something I don’t know enough about and should be listening instead of sharing.

Thirdly, I like harmony. There is no room for harmony in politics. When I am in a group setting it is very important to me for everyone to feel comfortable and unoffended. I feel there is little to be gained from conflict and friction. I strive to merge ideas and thoughts to find common ground and unfortunately hit a dead end when it comes to political conversations.

Fourthly and lastly, in all honesty we all vote along our party lines anyway. It doesn’t matter if their names are McCain or Obama, we choose early on without knowing much about these people who we are going to vote for and we build a case to back up this pre-made decision. I applaud anyone who can really say they don’t do this (but I will find it hard to believe).

I think Mark will know what inspired this post on this fine Tuesday morning.

In the end no one looks good.