it makes my lips numb just thinking about it

Over the last 3 months Dustin and I have probably been through the hardest times we have every had to face in situations totally out of our control. Honestly-it has sucked. I have taken the cynical “I-don’t-even-care-anymore” approach. While Dustin has taken the more loving “I-will-take-it-all-on-and-fix-it-myself” approach. Neither one has done of any good. It has only made us tired and even more frustrated.

I was reminded recently about the principle of “considering it pure joy”. To me that sounds like I need to be this chirpy, naive person who is able to somehow ignore the circumstances and see everything has shiny-happy. I felt like it was asking me to be fake and ignore my feelings of how completely hard and overwhelming these things are.

The truth is this kind of bad attitude toward this principle has only kept me in a place of immaturity and resentment toward all difficult situations that have come my way. My philosophy, call it the Tao of Kate if you will- “Get this problem solved and out of my way!” I NEVER thought of the areas that I could be growing as a person, in fact i resented the idea of “learning from a challenge.” It all felt a little too Sesame Street to me.

I tried to stick to my tried and true philosophy of waiting for the problem to get out of my way, but the problems either got worse or new ones started to come along. I got desperate and actually prayed and asked God what the heck was going on. He very gently and sweetly reminded me again of Considering it pure joy when I go through trials of many kinds because the testing of my faith develops perseverance. And how perseverance leads to maturity and wisdom. (It is in James, dude, look it up.) Which in both areas I was really lacking.

Once I softened and allowed that verse to really be truth to my heart, everything change. I can honestly say that I am excited and hopeful about the circumstances we are facing and it has allowed for God to show me all the areas that he is working on me, perfecting me and making me more like Him. This really is all I ever want, anyway.

So here I am, loving trials and learning to persevere! Wa-HOO!! Look out world, Kate is on a roll!

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