finally proud

I am Kathryn Marie Groeneman. I am 24 years old. I am 5’6″. I have green eyes. I weigh about 10 pounds more than I would like to, but don’t we all? I have short, stubby eyelashes that no matter how much mascara I put on they never reach a full, voluminous stature. I have not so much creamy-white skin as pasty and dull. I am legally blind without my contacts. I eat pretty unhealthy, “kate, too much pasta!”. When I was about 10 I became aware of “ME”. This person that people (at the time) called Katy. I knew about where I stood in the recess-soccer rating, which was top of all the other girls. I was aware of my standing in the spelling-bee, about middle. I knew that in some areas I was special and I was proud of that. In some areas I was below-average and was painfully aware of that. Then I became 16. Things were not so simple, I was called KT then. There were so many more areas to be ranked and measured: clothes, body type, grades, friends, sports, cars, boyfriends. I knew that in some areas I was “ahead” of others, but it was rare and never brought much comfort. It was a terrible time of hating myself and never feeling good enough. It was a foggy, unhappy mess for about 4 years. Now I am Kate, I am no longer in the rat race called High School, I am 24… almost 25, married and even could have kids in the next couple years. I am finally proud of who I am and the person that I have grown to become. Even when I embarrass myself, which happens almost daily, or screw up big-time, I don’t hate myself or wish I could be anyone but myself. I have found out that I am a really great person. Someone that I am proud to be. The really ironic thing is that more than ever in my life I see the flaws that i carry, the temptations that I can’t shake and those dark, ugly places that are scary when revealed. But this is who I am. This is me, in her fabulous entirety. I am better than I was yesterday. I am growing, loving and changing.

I am finally proud.

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6 Comments

Filed under in my opionation

6 responses to “finally proud

  1. I hope that I continue getting more and more confident, so that when I am an old man, I can yell at kids in my lawn and pop their basketballs.

    but for rizzzill, great post. I think maturity is defined by becoming more and more comfortable with yourself.

  2. Judi Free.com

    beautiful…me too.

  3. i love you for who you are as well!!! wonderful post!

  4. i love you for who you are as well!!! wonderful post!

  5. this is a fantastic post! we are proud of you too. I am proud to call you a friend! good lunch today, by the way!!

  6. DanChee

    I know exactly what I was doing the day that you wrote this:

    April 14th (day prior) I had taken Jamie on a road trip that ended in my proposal… thankfully she accepted 🙂

    On the 15th, Jamie was back at work teaching, and I was driving to Houston Intercontinental airport to pick Angie up – I had flown her from Colorado to Houston because I knew that the one person Jamie would want to see and celebrate with was her best friend and sister, Angie. It is crazy that she knew you at that time, and I’m just now meeting you for the first time, yet our lives were already somehow connected.

    This entry is so beautiful and transparent. You’re so good at being introspective, and what’s even more impressive is that you are willing to share that openly with people. It is amazing.

    What’s also amazing to me to realize the bazillion possible parallel lives that are happening at the same time, all stuck in the same moment. And how at some point some are meant to cross paths. For instance, you meeting Dustin overseas!

    … its a crazy mixed up world that we live in… when two separate paths cross and meet in love… though we may try to deviate and decide and deliberate our own paths… the only direction we need is from above.

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