I am pretty frustrated by the limbo/lingering that i have been experiencing over the last couple months. SO many things in my life are unsure and out of my hands and I HATE that!!! I literally feel like i am bending backwards scooching bit by bit and my back is killing me!! If you are not picking up on the obvious analogy by now then you are just sad.
This morning i took a pregnancy test. it was negative. taking those things are so weird, they really mess with your head. It is not like the pregnancy test makes you pregnant, either you are or you aren’t, but it almost feels that way. you think you know how you will feel when you see the result window. sometimes i think i am not ready and will be relived it is negative-really this is me preparing myself not to take it too hard if it is negative- only to find that i am SO disappointed when i actually see only 1 line. I have never experienced any other result, so I am guessing I will feel happy and excited when it is positive, but who really can tell. It is life changing stuff, man. You never know your reaction. I took the test (aka peed on the stick), then took a shower while my test was being graded. I stood in the shower thinking to myself, “what if the test is positive? These would be my last few minutes as Kate, just married Kate, not MOM Kate. Am i ready for that?”
Pretty scary stuff, folks.
One day that test will say positive…. one day it WILL be Mom Kate.