In my profession as a Children’s Pastor I occasionally search for puppet skits online. The other day I came across the worst puppet skit ever written. At first it may not seem very bad to you, but believe me when the script has the phrase “devilish” actually written in it you know you have found a stinker, and this (as John McCain would say) “My friends” is a stinker.
Please be so kind to read then take the poll at the end.
THE SCENE IS A SCHOOL PLAYGROUND. A BASKETBALL HOOP MAKES A GOOD BACKGROUND PROP. TWO BOY PUPPETS, MR. STEAK AND MR. CHICKEN ARE FIGHTING OVER THE BASKETBALL. MR. STEAK FINALLY PULLS THE BALL AWAY FROM MR. CHICKEN. MR. CHICKEN That's not fair! It was my turn to make a basket! MR. STEAK Even if it was your turn, you never make it through the hoop. You're the worst basketball player ever! MR. CHICKEN I'm going to tell Mrs. Potato that you're being a mean...and you're very, very, very devilish! MR. STEAK Mrs. Potato won't believe you because I'm her favorite student and you're nothing but a wimpy loser. You're weak and thin and the girls all laugh at your poor hygiene. Go ahead and tell everybody how I was mean to you! I'll be a hero! Mrs. Potato sneaks up behind Mr. Steak and hits him with a stick over the head. Mr. Steak is knocked out and Mr. Chicken grabs the basketball. MRS. POTATO I heard what Mr. Steak was saying about you and you shouldn't believe a word of it. No matter what your physical attributes, Jesus loves you very much and He will always be there for you. Mr. Steak wakes up and rubs his head. Mrs. Potato, once again, knocks him out with the stick. MR. CHICKEN But doesn't Jesus know how wimpy I am? Doesn't He know that I lie to my parents about brushing my teeth? MRS. POTATO Jesus knows all about your physical inadequacies and He doesn't care! Don't you know that Jesus paid special attention to special people like you? MRS. POTATO That's the great thing about Jesus! MR. CHICKEN Then I love Jesus and accept Him into my heart as my Savior! Mr. Steak gets up and cowers in front of the stick-wielding Mrs. Potato. Mrs. Potato takes the basketball away from Mr. Chicken and gives it back to Mr. Steak. MRS. POTATO Here you go, Mr. Steak. You need to concentrate more on sports and less on being devilish to your friends. MR. CHICKEN But I wanted to shoot baskets! MRS. POTATO Your talents lie elsewhere, young Mr. Chicken. Come with me and we'll talk about what it's like in Heaven. MR. STEAK Thank you, Mrs. Potato! I learned a lesson today that even though I'm physically better off than Mr. Chicken will ever be, that Jesus loves us all! MRS. POTATO Go shoot some baskets, you rascal! You're still my favorite student, even though you need a little discipline now and then! MR. CHICKEN Don't I need discipline too, Mrs. Potato? MRS. POTATO No, little Mr. Chicken, you are far too frail and weak. You're no threat to any one or any thing. Mrs. Potato and Mr. Chicken exit the stage. Mr. Steak shoots a basket and the ball goes in perfectly. A couple of things to consider before taking the poll:
- The names of the characters are Chicken and Steak. What the heck?
- Apparently Mr. Chicken is a loser and even the abusive teacher thinks so.
- The script says that the “ball goes in perfectly”. What kind of fancy puppets do they have that can use their hands and shoot baskets?